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  Mad Cow-mmunist Epidemic In India - A National Threat  


By: Gaurang Bhatt
January 20, 2004

The article is a response to following op-eds simultaneously published in NY times and TOI
India, Pakistan and Peace Without Borders NY times
A SAARC Solution : Make Kashmir a Neutral Space TOI

In 1947 after the partition there were significant minorities of Hindus still living in the then Pakistan. Fifty-five years later their numbers in Pakistan and Bangladesh have dwindled to negligible, due to conversion and terror. The number of Indian Muslims has increased both in absolute and relative terms. India declared itself a secular nation and has largely lived up to this promise. Its record is far from perfect and leaves room for improvement. Quite a few Kashmiri Muslims and infiltrating Pakistani terrorists have driven tens of thousands of Kashmiri Pundits out of the state and have killed and threatened tens of thousands peace loving Kashmiri Muslims and Indian security forces.

The naive and unthinking publicity hungry persons like film starlets and occasional minor writers have praised Pakistani border guards and people, while willing to make unilateral concessions in disarmament and for peace. The euphoria of idiocy has made various organizations like Rotary Clubs, Private Hospitals and physicians donate money and free services to treat Pakistani patients at the cost of neglecting our own indigenous poor sick. Other impulsive idiots have suggested porous borders, South Asian Union with free trade, migration and common currency. This is being done either with full knowledge or total amnesia of terrorist attacks on the parliament, temples and repeated bombings in Mumbai. Pakistan still refuses to extradite Indian Muslim and Sikh terrorists whom it harbors, arms and supports materially and morally. Unfortunately the attacks in Delhi, Ahmedabad and Mumbai could not have been carried out without local and native collaborators and a few fifth columnist Muslims and Hindus have been caught, tried and even convicted for their heinous deeds.

A new case in a consultant (Some people define a consultant as one who knows sixty-four ways of making love but has never met a woman) of this dire and spreading disease has been self-reported in the Sunday New York Times and the Times of India. The latter is a particularly important paper, as in poor India it serves the even more noble and useful function of an alternative toilet paper without markedly altering its content even after such use.

This newest victim of this mad cow-mmunist disease has proclaimed his idiocy to the ecstatic joy of the Western media, which would never have published an op-ed of the opposing view. He proposes an autonomous Kashmir to help develop Pakistan and serve as a red carpet for infiltrating Pakistani terrorists or migrant laborers. We already have the epidemic raging in West Bengal where the Mad Cow-mmunists have made the border with Bangladesh porous, one of the causes of the provoking ULFA.

Another event of unusual relevance occurred at a Sweden Museum Exhibit reception at the end of last week. A portrait of a woman Palestinian suicide bomber on a tragic scene background and with a basin, in which red paint signifying blood was dripping, came to the attention of the Israeli Ambassador attending the reception. He tore off the lighting and tried to demolish the exhibit, a distinctly undiplomatic attitude. His behavior was considered justified by the Israeli Prime Minister. The behavior though outrageous was considered a natural reaction to the outrageous exhibit glorifying the death of twenty-one Israeli civilians.

My purpose in writing this article is a genuine concern for the public health of all Indians. This practically fatal malady can be avoided by refusing to listen to or have close contact with affected individuals. The usual symptoms in those afflicted by the disease, is a passionate tremulousness on hearing the word Pakistan. They become maudlin and sentimental and often turn to the West to pray or beg for grants by putting there foot in their mouth. The mode of spread is by aerosol but contact with Pakistani brains is how the disease was transmitted from Pakistanis to the rest of the human species. The pathology in autopsied cases shows that they have a spongiform encephalopathy, which in lay terms means their brains turn Mush(arraf)y. Please note that Indians are not the only ones affected. I know a most prominent American who has a severe case of the disease. By the way for some medically inexplicable reason, those who use the Times of India exclusively for the as yet FDA unapproved use, instead of reading it are strangely immune from the scourge. The rumor is that smart entrepreneurs are thinking of conducting Phase One trials for many American newspapers also, as they may have finally found their niche in the life of financially strapped and straining American consumers.

Gaurang Bhatt

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Previous by:
Gaurang Bhatt

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